Wonderful described definitions

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
rolled in paper
with fire at one end
and a fool at the other!


MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
wherein
a man loses his bachelor degree
and a woman gains her master


LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
a cake in such a way that
everybody believes
he got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
masculine will power is
defeated by feminine water-power!

DICTIONARY:
A place where divorce comes
before marriage

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens
and everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
you are going to feel
a feeling
you have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book
which people praise,
but never read

SMILE:
A curve
that can set
a lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
where you can relax
after your strenuous
home life

YAWN:
The only time
when some married men
ever get to open
their mouth

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do

COMMITTEE:
Individuals
who can do
nothing individually
and sit to decide
that nothing can be done
together

EXPERIENCE:
The name
men give
to their
Mistakes

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

OPTIMIST:
A person
who while falling
from EIFFEL TOWER
says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
provided by
nature

CRIMINAL:
A guy
no different
from the other,
unless he gets caught

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR:
A person
who kills
your ills
by pills,
and kills you
by his bills!

Friendship

" WASTE NO TEARS OVER THE GRIEFS OF YESTERDAY."

"Forgiveness is not for the benefit of the person who caused wrong to you but it is your key to happiness and emotional freedom."

Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
Just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
Until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
That there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
That there really is an unlocked door
Just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.

Friends

They love you... but they are not your lover. They care for you, but

they are not from your family...

They are ready to share your pain, but they are not in your blood

relation. They are........FRIENDS!!!!!

True friend scolds like a DAD... Cares like a MOM... Teases like a

SISTER... Irritates like a BROTHER...

And finally loves U more than a LOVER....

JOB ADVERTISEMENT!!

The Kingdom of God is hiring!
Are you ready to apply? Do you qualify?



JOB TITLE:
Disciples for Christ

JOB DESCRIPTION:
Tell the dying world how to live through Jesus Christ

NUMBER OF AVAILABLE POSITIONS:
Unlimited; everyone is welcome--preachers, teachers, singers, musicians,
missionaries, custodians, food servers,
and numerous others that we just can't list them all here

EXCEPTION TO AVAILABLE POSITIONS:
The vacancy of BOSS has already been filled by the Holy Spirit

QUALIFICATIONS:
Must have previously sinned and been blood washed;
must be willing to press toward the mark of the high calling in Christ Jesus

EXPERIENCE NEEDED:
None necessary; experience will be earned through
on-the-job training

EDUCATION:
The Holy Spirit will teach you all things

BENEFIT PACKAGE/SALARY:
God (the employer) shall supply all your needs
according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus

Medical Aid Insurance:
Access to the Master Physician Plan

PACKAGE ALSO INCLUDES:
Love, joy, peace, patience, long suffering;
Lawyer, Comforter, and a Wonderful Counsellor

RECOMPENSE FOR COMPLETING THE JOB ASSIGNMENT:
The most important benefit, ETERNAL LIFE with the employer.

DEADLINE FOR APPLICATIONS:
Before the return of Jesus Christ;
date/hour not known; wise to apply TODAY, RIGHT NOW

4 rules to live by

I met this guy who has
a motto he lives by everyday. He said " listen carefully and
live by these 4 rules: Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie."

I was shaking my head 'no', but he then told me to listen
while he explained his four rules. So here they are:

1.. "Drink" from the "everlasting cup" every day.

2.. "Steal" a moment to help someone that
is in worse shape than you are.

3.. "Swear" that you will be a better
person today than yesterday.

4.. And last, but not least, when you "lie" down at night
thank God you live in a country where you have religious freedom.


I am not as good as I should be, I am not as good
as I could be. but THANK GOD
I am better than I used to be !

A letter to you from satan!

I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores



You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you



didn't even bless your meals, or



pray before going to bed last night. You are so



unthankful, I like that about you. I cannot tell you how glad I am



that you have not changed your



way of living, you are mine.



Remember,you and I have been



going steady for years. and I still



don't love you yet.



He kicked me out of heaven,



and I'm going to use you as long as possible to pay him back.



You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and



HE has great plans in store for you.



But you have yielded your life to me,



and I'm going to make your life a



living hell. That way, we'll be together twice.



This will really hurt God.



Thanks to you, I'm really



showing Him who's boss in your life with



all of the good times we've had.



We have been cursing people out,



stealing, lying, being hypocritical, fornicating, overeating,



telling dirty jokes, gossiping, being judgmental,



back stabbing people, disrespecting adults,



and those in leadership positions,



no respect for the Church, bad attitudes.



SURELY you don't want to give



all this up. Come on, let's burn together forever.



I've got some hot plans for us.



This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you.



I'd like to say 'THANKS' for letting me use



you for most of your foolish life.



You are so gullible, I laugh at you.



When you are tempted to sin,



you give in HA HA HA, you make me sick.



Sin is beginning to take it's toll on your life.



You look 20 years older, and now,



I need new blood.



So go ahead and teach some children how to sin.



All you have to do is smoke,



get drunk or drink while underaged, cheat, gamble,



gossip, fornicate, and live being as selfish as possible.



Do all of this in the presence of children and



they will do it too.



Kids are like that.



Well, I have to let you



go for now. I'll be back in a couple of



seconds to tempt you again.



If you were smart,



you would run somewhere,



confess you sins,



live for God with what little bit of life that



you have left. It's not my nature to warn anyone,



but to be your age and still sinning,



it's becoming a bit ridiculous.



Don't get me wrong,



I still hate you.

Revelation 3:20

Beloveds

Some people find their identity and worth in their brokenness and then they guard it with every strength that they have and because they are afraid to deal with their emotions, they put up big walls around their pain and hurt so that they can lock the door of their heart from the inside, and in the progress some actually going around manipulating people and even cause more hurt to others because they guard their fortress called… PAIN. In this fortress you'll find a lot of rooms and each room got a name. You'll find a room called loneliness, here you will find a child playing all alone, there's no one around because of absent parents that was never there when he/she grew up to love and cherish this child.

In the next room you'll find abuse there you'll find a child that's got emotional scars because someone told him/her she will never be anything in life that is why he/she is afraid to take a chance in life. Another door that you will find is fear. People that has locked themselves in because they are afraid, not afraid for gangsters, but afraid of being rejected, afraid to love because someone has walk out of their lives and now they are afraid to leap forward because of their FEAR. Fear of rejection, fear of being hurt, and fear of acceptance. God got a door called love that He is knocking at and He wants you to open it because He wants to dine with you and because He loves you.

The key of the door is hidden in your heart and God wants you to open it so that He can enter in and shut all the other doors that have been stopping you to make progress. He wants to break down that fortress called pain that is why He had sent His Son to die for you so that He could set you free from all the pain, hurt and rejection. He loves you and He want's you to know that the best is yet to come.

Remember

Remember that your presence is a present to the world.

Remember that you are a unique and unrepeatable creation.

Remember that your life can be what you want it to be.

Remember to count your blessings, not your troubles.

Remember that you'll make it through whatever comes along.

Remember that most of the answers you need are within you.

Remember those dreams waiting to be realized.

Remember that decisions are too important to leave to chance.

Remember to always reach for the best that is within you.

Remember that nothing wastes more energy than worry.

Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

Remember that the longer you carry a grudge, the heavier it gets.

Remember not to take things too seriously.

Remember to laugh.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.

Remember that a lot goes forever.

Remember that happiness is more often found in giving than getting.

Remember that life's treasures are people, not things.

Remember that miracles still happen...

THANK GOD

For Anger is a condition in which
the tongue works faster than the mind.

You can't change the past,
but you can ruin the present
by worrying over the future.

Love...and you shall be loved.

God always gives His best to those
who leave the choice with Him.

All people smile in the same language.

are great gifts... one size fits all.
It can be given for any occasion
and it's easy to exchange.

Everyone needs to be loved...
especially when they do not deserve it.

The real measure of a man's wealth
is what he has invested in eternity.

Laughter is God's sunshine.

Everyone has beauty
but not everyone sees it.

It's important for parents to live
the same things they teach.

Thank God for what you have,
TRUST GOD for what you need.

If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow,
you have no today to be thankful for.

I FORGOT

I forgot what life is all about ...
I forgot what it meant to cry ...
I forgot that pretending to be happy
Doesn't make you happy ...
And that pretending to be smart
Doesn't make you smart ...
I forgot that you can't just forget the past
In fear of the future ...

I forgot that you can't control
Falling in love ..
And if you really do fall in love,
Then you can't make yourself fall
OUT of love ..
I learned that I can love ....

I learned that it's okay to mess up ..
And it's okay to ask for help .
And it's okay to feel like hell .
I learned it's okay to complain and whine
To all your friends for a whole day ...

I've learnt that sometimes the things
You want most,
You just can't have.
I've learnt that the greatest thing
About life isn't the parties or the hook-ups .....

I've learnt that sometimes,
The things we want to forget,
Are the things that
We most need to talk about ...


But basically,
I've just learnt that my family
And old friends
Are the most important people to me
In the entire world ...
AND ..
Without them,
I wouldn't be who I am today ....


Dream as if u will live forever...
Live as if u will die today...

A week without GOD!

Without GOD, our week would be:
Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday,
Thirstday, Fightday & Shatterday.
If you are not ashamed of GOD, pass it on.
Remember seven days WITHOUT GOD makes one WEAK!!

Medical Insurance- the difference between the fortunate and the less fortunate!

What forced me to write this blog was a recent documentary on Satellite TV. To my surprise they broadcasted a very sensitive issue i.e. healthcare. Healthcare is sensitive because this is where you distinguish between the fortunate and the less fortunate or the haves and the haves not. The documentary that I watched was SickO – I sommer roughly translate it in (Afrikaans) as "siek ou" which means sick man, I might be wrong with the way I see it, but I was a victim as well. What pains me was to see that even people from 1^st world countries had to go to other countries to get free healthcare. Our government really wants us to make use of the public health care system which would be a good thing if correctly administered. On advice of the former health minister I decided to make use of public healthcare and try out Chris Hani Baragwanath Hospital what a mess, at first complicated procedures ranging from long queues to staff members who don't care damn, public servants that really give the man on the street an attitude. On presentation of my medical aid insurance card one staffer even asked me why not making use of private facilities. I felt bad and thought about it, but I was under the impression that the service might change. I was so wrong – because at first you waiting in a queue longer that 200meters for a stamp, thereafter another queue for the doctor, then another queue for the pharmacy. If you really want to be helped at any public facility then you must at least woke up at 4am be at the hospital at least by 6am then you will be out of there by 10am, I am convinced and wish to believe that the public facilities are not that bad and the service might even change IF all our public servants are willing to go the extra mile, with a dedicated management and staff supervision. Now to the main point – medical insurance: I was a member with one of the major medical insurance companies in South Africa, they promised during their presentation heaven and earth from 300% cover whilst in hospital to adequate cover either over the counter or private consultations. What forced me to terminate my membership after six loyal years was when one of my dependants needed surgery and the medical aid was not willing to pay for anaesthethics, i.e. the drugs required for sedation before the surgery. The medical insurance refused blatantly, according to them that was excluded on the insurance and I had to foot the bill. These exclusions were never communicated, as we the customers are normally in perfect health when applying for medical insurance. On numerous occasions I had to either settle for generics or pay levies even if the customer still have funds available in their insurance accounts and when no generics were available as a substitute. I am not the kind of person who likes to chop and change products or companies as and when required but I just decided to walk out. Now I'm with another medical insurance company, skeptical but hoping for the best. I was under the impression that these insurance companies were noble. I even remembered that there was a time when I did not make use of medical insurance for a full year, as I call it that it was my lucky year or it was the time that I used over the counter medication at my expense. I even thought at times the reason why medical insurance companies refused to pay for treatment was in order to force their customers not to use the insurance available to the clients. THE MOVIE SICKO then opened my eyes, apparently the board or the management of the particular medical insurance decides what's approve and what not, no wonder the loyal customers suffers when in need of medical assistance or hospitalization. Government is currently preaching NHI – National Health Insurance.

The big question is: WILL THIS NHI WORK – I sincerely hope so….

 

SO many questions… SO little answers…

 

Mobile Speed Trapping – LAW enforcement or moneymaking?

I cannot say that I'm impressed with the current way of happenings regarding the traffic law enforcement system, particular with the current mobile speed trapping system. I recently suffered financial loss due to the mobile speed trapping systems and I feel as if it is no longer about traffic law enforcement but more about moneymaking. Friends of mine travelled to Cape Town by car and come back with speed fines amounting to closed to R3000, all on mobile camera and within a radius of less than 20km stretch of road, some of these fines differs with between 5 and 20 minutes. Recently I travelled to Kimberley, drove safely followed all road rules, however my biggest mistake was travelling 107km on a National road whereby the speed limit is 120km/h. There were temporary road signs indicating the speed limit of 60km/h because of road works, in these zones I followed the speed limit to the latter because of the road conditions. My understanding is that once the area is clear and there is either no temporary sign or roadworks than the speed limit must revert to the original speed limit which is 120km/h on a national road, because of this I was caught on mobile camera doing 107km/h, I was then summoned via mail for an amount of R700 for the crime of exceeding the speed limit. To fight with the relevant authorities does not help because it might result in a long court process so we just pay and get it over and done with but the big problem would be when they start using the demerit system whereby your drivers licence might be revoked. Why am I asking whether this is traffic law enforcement or moneymaking…? In small local authorities or provinces there is a drastic need for visible law enforcement, however due to limited resources these guys are manning the mobile cameras, most probably the main income stream for these authorities, in bigger metro's you'll find three to four mobiles cameras on a 5km road radius, normally trapping in both directions, these metro's used latest technology equipment funded by the taxpayer at a enormous prize, now authorities are forced to trapped motorists in order to pay for these resources and still profiting, it therefore no longer constitutes traffic law enforcement, but more of a moneymaking exercise.

Why not using fixed cameras, which will provide a guaranteed income, these equipment operates day and night, through rain or sunshine and it will be much cheaper and effective to maintain. (I mean the purpose of mobile speed trapping is moneymaking not law enforcement, because if you exceeding the speed limits, the traffic official don't stop you because they hide behind trees or camping out) - The traffic law enforcement officials hiding behind the trees can then be used elsewhere or they can be used as visible law enforcement officials thus ensuring road safety and reducing road incidents.

From a personal perspective I really don't support this many mobile cameras on the road, not because I want to be reckless but I feel that those resources can be managed elsewhere and at a reasonable prize.

Now for the big question: Why paying a lot of money renting fancy equipment - Is fixed cameras the way to go?

SO many questions… SO little answers…